It has been a long, long time since I spoke with my dear friend, Tiggs. To preserve his privacy, I'll skip the gory details and say simply that when last we spoke, he had gotten involved in a relationship that was obviously detrimental, yet that he wasn't able to let go of. (Been there, done that. And more than once, I'm embarrassed to admit.)
For all I know, he may still be involved in that relationship. This time, I didn't ask. Anyway...
In his e-mail, he complained bitterly about the state of his life these last few years; how nothing has worked out like he planned -- that he's miserable practically 24/7, and he can't understand why things have gone the way they have.
This isn't anything new. I think deep down, he's been unhappy for most of his life for one reason or another. I thought long and hard about what to say in reply.
Being a rescuer by nature, I had to sit on my hands to keep from giving him advice. I realized long ago that when he gets into his gloomy moods, he doesn't want advice. All he wants is validation. But I this time, I wasn't going to give him that, either.
Instead, I decided to try a new approach. I acknowledged his situation, but then went on to tell him how I was doing -- that for me, the last few years have been very good, and to get that to happen, all I had to do was to let go of some long held beliefs about how I thought my life was supposed to play out. Once I did, my stress level dropped significantly and I began making better decisions, which in turn, changed the course of my existence dramatically. Near the end of the e-mail, I told him about decisions I've made in the last three years that have consistently impacted my life for the better.
In keeping with my twisted sense of humor, I closed with: "I've since discovered that if you bang your head against the wall several times and don't get the results you want, then banging your head against the wall is probably not the way to get where you want to go. :-)"
And, because we often share the same twisted sense of humor, in classic Tiggs style, a few days later he replied: "I was under the assumption that if banging head against wall and nothing happens, then maybe it's the wrong wall! or even the wrong part of the wall. Even the strongest walls have a weak spot :-)"
I'm smiling. And shaking my head. That's Tiggs for ya: Putting the 'S' in stubborn for 46 years and counting.
And so it goes. He's a smart guy, and I'm sure he understood the underlying message that I was trying to convey. Whether or not he'll do anything with it, only time will tell. I've planted the seed. The rest is up to him.
Meanwhile, I've still got my own hurdles to jump. Good thing I invested in a great pair of sneakers. :-)forA href="http://edit.journals.aol.com/_do/<!--WEBBOT%20bot=" -- ALT="Site Meter" startspan HTMLMarkup?>" target=_top> var site="SM1GUIDE"
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